Which Way Do You Lean?
Are you struggling to figure out if you lean more anxious or dismissive in your attachment style?
Understanding your attachment style can be a game-changer in improving your relationships. In this post, we’ll dive into the complexities of Disorganized Attachment, also known as Fearful Avoidant attachment. You’ll learn about the signs that indicate whether you lean more anxious or dismissive and how to manage these tendencies for healthier relationships.
The Four Attachment Styles
Let’s start with a quick refresher on the four attachment styles:
Secure Attachment: The dream team of attachment styles, where relationships are happy, healthy, and fulfilling.
Anxious Attachment: Picture a puppy that needs constant cuddles and reassurance.
Avoidant (Dismissive) Attachment: Think of the lone wolf who values independence and keeps emotional distance.
Disorganized (Fearful Avoidant) Attachment: The wild card, mixing anxious and avoidant behaviors, making relationships feel like a rollercoaster ride.
What is Disorganized Attachment?
People with Disorganized Attachment often exhibit both anxious and avoidant behaviors, but usually lean more towards one side in different relationships. This can make it challenging to understand your attachment style and how it affects your relationships.
Signs You’re Leaning Anxious
When you lean anxious, you might find yourself:
Constantly checking your phone for texts and feeling a surge of anxiety if there’s no response.
Starting fights or bringing up issues just to feel some connection.
Experiencing intense fear of abandonment and craving constant reassurance from your partner.
Signs You’re Leaning Dismissive
On the flip side, if you’re leaning dismissive, you might:
Feel trapped in the relationship and crave more alone time.
Avoid responding to texts or making excuses to not hang out.
Feel resentful or annoyed when your partner seeks attention or affection.
The Influence of Your Partner’s Behavior
Here’s where it gets interesting: your lean can shift based on your partner’s attachment style. For example:
If your partner is anxious, you might lean more dismissive to create emotional distance.
If your partner is avoidant, you might lean more anxious, seeking more connection and reassurance.
Personal Insights and Practical Tips
I’ve experienced these dynamics firsthand. For years, I leaned dismissive until I started dating an avoidant partner, which triggered my anxious side. It was a confusing and eye-opening experience, but it helped me understand my attachment style better.
If you’re struggling with these tendencies, here are a few tips:
Self-Awareness: Keep tabs on your feelings and behaviors in different relationships.
Communication: Talk to your partner about your needs and feelings in a kind and constructive way.
Self-Soothing: Learn to manage your anxiety and avoidant tendencies through self-care and mindfulness.
Understanding your attachment style is a journey, and it’s okay to ebb and flow between anxious and dismissive tendencies. By becoming more self-aware and improving your communication skills, you can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Remember, it’s all about finding balance and understanding what you need to thrive in your relationships. Happy relating!
