Is It Me or Are They an Asshole?
Have you ever wondered if your relationship struggles are due to your attachment style or your partner's behavior?
In our latest episode of Speak Honest, I had the pleasure of speaking with Kim, who brought a pressing question to the table: is her attachment style to blame for her triggers, or is her partner just being an asshole? This is a common dilemma many face, and our conversation revealed some profound insights.
Attachment Styles and Triggers
Kim's story began with a relatable scenario: her partner, who often works out of town, decided to leave the night before an extended trip, triggering a strong emotional response in her. This brought up feelings of unimportance and abandonment, which many of us have experienced at some point. One of the key takeaways from our conversation was the importance of clear and vulnerable communication. Often, unspoken expectations can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. In Kim's case, expressing her desire for her partner to stay over that last night might have changed the outcome significantly.
Somatic Processing
A significant part of our discussion focused on managing intense emotional reactions. When triggered, it's easy to lash out in anger or shut down completely. However, this often exacerbates the problem. I guided Kim through a somatic experiencing exercise, a technique developed by Peter Levine, to help her manage these intense emotions. Somatic experiencing involves tuning into the physical sensations in your body and using visualization to calm the nervous system. For Kim, visualizing snow falling inside her chest helped cool down the intense anger she felt. This technique can be incredibly effective for anyone struggling with strong emotional reactions.
Perhaps it’s no one’s fault?
For those struggling with similar issues, the first step is recognizing when you're triggered and taking a moment to pause. Communicating your needs and feelings clearly to your partner is crucial. It's not about blaming yourself or your partner but understanding the underlying issues and working together to address them. My conversation with Kim highlighted the complexities of relationship dynamics and the importance of self-awareness and communication. If you find yourself often getting triggered in your relationships, consider exploring somatic experiencing and focusing on open, honest communication with your partner. Remember, it's not about finding fault but about understanding and managing your responses to build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
