Is it Society's Expectations or Yours?
Have you ever stopped to wonder whose expectations you're really trying to meet? It's easy to blame societal pressure for the standards we hold ourselves to, but sometimes, the true source is much closer to home—perhaps sitting right across from you at the dinner table.
The Blame Game: Society vs. Personal Relationships
It's a common narrative: society expects us to look, act, and live a certain way. We hear it all the time, and yes, societal expectations are real and powerful. But when we peel back the layers, we often find that the most pressing expectations—the ones that truly shape our daily decisions—are not from society at large. They're from those closest to us, particularly our partners.
Decoding Expectations in Relationships
Think about it—when you decide what to wear for a night out, are you considering the latest fashion trends, or are you more concerned about what your partner will think? When you think about your career, is it society’s idea of success that weighs on you, or your partner’s opinion on what makes a successful life?
Here’s how to tell if you’re living under the weight of your partner’s expectations:
Recognize the Source: Start by tracing your 'why.' Why do you feel pressured to act or look a certain way? If the answers consistently point back to pleasing your partner or avoiding conflict with them, it's time to reassess.
Communicate Openly: Often, we assume we know what our partner expects without ever having a direct conversation. Open lines of communication may reveal that you’ve been holding yourself to standards that your partner never deemed important.
Reflect on Your True Desires: Separate your own desires from those imposed upon you. This might require some introspection or even journaling to sort out whose goals you're actually pursuing.
The Fear of Asking: What If You Don't Like the Answer?
One of the biggest reasons we don't clarify these expectations is fear. Fear that their answer might not be what we want to hear. It's easier to assume and resent than to ask and know—especially if that knowledge might lead to uncomfortable truths about our relationships.
Engage in Self-Reflection: What are you afraid of discovering? Are you avoiding questions because you’re scared of the answers?
Question the "What Ifs": What if their expectations are indeed different? How will you handle it? Planning for potential outcomes can reduce the fear of the unknown.
Moving Forward: Establishing Mutual Expectations
The healthiest relationships are those where expectations are clear and mutually agreed upon. Here’s how to get there:
Discuss and Set Goals Together: Regularly set aside time to discuss your expectations of each other and your relationship. Make this a safe space where both parties feel heard.
Check-In Regularly: People change, and so do their expectations. Regular check-ins can help ensure you’re both still aligned.
Have you ever mistaken your partner’s expectations for societal norms? How has this realization impacted your relationship? Share your experiences in the comments below or on social media. Let’s uncover the real expectations together and learn to differentiate them from societal pressures!
